Have you heard of the “three loves” theory? In brief, it poses that everyone has three great loves throughout life. First, there’s puppy love. It’s likely a high school or college romance.
Second, there’s wild love. It’s a rocky but passionate love. Then, when you least expect it, the third love, a true relationship, enters your life. This is true love, unending love. You take the lessons from your past two loves and wholeheartedly step into the third.
Does it sound like a fantasy? Well, it can be real for you! Indeed, true relationship love takes time to develop. In this article, I’ll show you what true love is and the steps you can take to foster it.
What Is True Relationship Love?
Crucially, true relationship love is nonjudgmental and faithful. It’s patient and inspiring. Over time, it grows. In fact, there is even a science behind love. Brain chemicals cause feelings of love. Specifically, those chemicals are dopamine and norepinephrine. Research indicates these neurotransmitters play a role in feelings of lust and attraction.
However, true love is more than feelings. True love means you take daily action to support your partner. So, it takes a high level of commitment. Next, you’ll find out if your relationship has true love.
How Do I Know I Have True Relationship Love?
A True Relationship Lasts
True relationship love withstands the ups and downs of life. This means it lasts a long time. Now, your love may have started recently. But that doesn’t mean it’s not true love. It just means you have a way to go! Over time, your love will change. And, if it’s true love, time will make it deeper.
A True Relationship Brings Joy
In a true relationship, you feel joy most of the time. Of course, there will be hard times. That’s life! But when you’re with your partner, you two will share the best memories if you’re in true love. Little moments will be special. Joy will enter your home. Further, your friends and family will see this joy in your true relationship.
A True Relationship Is Healing
In short, true love is a safe place. It’s a safe place to learn with each other. To support each other. And to heal. Everyone has a past, and when you love someone deeply, the love wins over that past. So, when two people share true love, it has a healing effect.
How To Foster True Love In Your Relationship
Make Plans
True relationship love feels endless. When you love someone deeply, you want to spend the rest of your days with them. So, plan them! Plan your future. Make your goals big.
After all, you’ll be working together to reach them. When you make plans ten, twenty, or more years out, it’s the promise of your eternal loyalty. In short, it shows your intense love.
Share Your Feelings
The more you open up to your partner, the deeper your bond will be. So, practice sharing any feeling you have, whether good or bad. What’s more, this blunt honesty will build trust between the two of you. When you feel comfortable sharing anything with your partner, you know it’s true love.
Be Generous
What’s mine is yours. Have this mentality in your relationship. Learn to let go of selfishness. Fostering true relationship love is all about that shared bond.
So, sharing helps. Practice giving your partner something special. Gift them something you want, and share in their joy as they receive it. Put simply, generosity is a huge indicator of true love.
Express Gratitude
Gratitude is a sign of true relationship love. If you master this, you’re well on your way to enhancing your connection. When you make your partner feel appreciated, you pave the way for even more love. When you feel appreciated, you want to do more for your partner.
See how the effect multiplies love? The more you say thank you, the more you want to act out of love. The more you act, the more you both have to be grateful for.
Be True To Your Word
Being reliable is one way to build trust. Basically, the more trust you have, the more your love will grow. So, to foster true relationship love, always do what you say you will. Importantly, manage your expectations with this.
Don’t over-promise. Be realistic about what you can do for your partner. For instance, if you want to go to a special event they want to take you to, but you know you can’t due to work, then don’t say you will. Because when you don’t show, trust will suffer. Be realistic and honest with your partner. To sum it up, love deepens when they know they can count on you.
Respect Your Partner
Respect is a huge component of true love. In true love, each partner respects the other’s values, traditions, and goals. This is true regardless of what those values and goals are. You should deeply admire the wishes and actions of your partner.
One way to do this is to be curious about them. Ask about their culture, their favorite accomplishments, and their abilities. Knowing these things will also allow you to better support them. Further, more understanding fosters more love and respect. So, it’s a positive cycle.
Work On Yourself
When you take action to work on yourself, it will benefit your relationship. No doubt, you have flaws. We all do! And your partner should love you despite those flaws. However, it’s important to work on the personal challenges you face.
When you do this, your partner sees that you’re trying to become a better person, enhancing your relationship. Taking these steps forward will help you grow. Therefore, you’ll be a better friend, partner, and roommate. Now, don’t confuse this with selfishness.
You’ll do this with the end goal of fostering more love and selflessness in your relationship. Your partner will be grateful you’re doing all you can to be the best version of yourself for them.
Learn How Not To Be Anxious
Maybe you’re trying to foster true relationship love, but you’re stuck. You face barriers to love. You feel anxiety in your relationship. You’re bombarded by negative thoughts.
Maybe you have attachment and jealousy issues. All of these troubles prevent you from fostering true love, so you’ll need to work on them! If you’re anxious in your relationship for any of these reasons, there are resources to help you.
One is the guidebook “Anxiety in Relationships for Couples” by Astrid Windrow. In this book, the author teaches you to conquer those negative emotions.
You will learn to break down your anxious relationship habits and beat them one by one. With the wisdom in this book, you’ll be able to grow a healthy, joyful, relaxed bond with your loved one.
If you feel any fear or resistance in your relationship, now is the time to learn how to resolve those. I recommend checking out this book and using the tips and advice to help foster true love.
Don’t Rely On Them For Happiness
Wait, this isn’t right, is it? Your partner is supposed to be your world, and you’re supposed to be happy because of them, right? Well, no. Before reaching true relationship love, you must be fully comfortable and confident in yourself and your own happiness.
Relying on someone else for happiness is a risky boundary violation. It signifies that, for some reason, you’re not satisfied with yourself. If that’s the case, you will doubt your partner’s love. If you can’t love yourself, it’s hard to believe that someone else can.
So, while your partner can bring joy into your life, you need to know they’re not the ultimate source of happiness. When you’re comfortable with yourself, it opens the door to healthy, true love.
Accept Your Partner’s Flaws
Everyone has weaknesses. Most people have emotional scars. When it comes to skeletons in the closet, big or small, you’ll need to learn to accept them.
This is the only way you can develop true love. It’s one thing to hear your partner admit something scary from their past. It’s another to accept it and let them know it doesn’t change how you feel about them. Over time, with practice, you will come to not only accept your partner’s flaws but respect them.
The mark of a true relationship love is overlooking imperfections, a dark past, or current bad habits. True love is stronger than all of those things.
Inevitably, your partner’s flaws may cause more challenges to arise. But, if you’ve learned to accept those flaws, you’ll be ready to stand with your partner throughout whatever challenges arise. That’s why – and how – true love lasts a lifetime.
Ready to Have Your True Relationship?
By now, you’ve learned how to identify true relationship love. So, you know the signs. Moreover, you learned the ten most vital actions to foster true love. At this point, nothing is holding you back from cultivating a beautiful, healthy, and inspiring relationship of true love.
So, which tip for fostering true love will you work on first? Let me know in the comments!
References:
Seshadri KG. The neuroendocrinology of love. Indian J Endocrinol Metab. 2016 Jul-Aug;20(4):558-63. doi: 10.4103/2230-8210.183479. PMID: 27366726; PMCID: PMC4911849.
